There’s something about New Year’s Eve that makes us stop in our tracks and look back—what did we leave behind, what do we carry with us, and what do we hope for next? And while I’ve thought about 2017 many times throughout the year, putting those reflections into words now feels strangely difficult. Still, before we step fully into 2018, I want to share a few thoughts—both the joyful and the painful—that defined this past year for me.
The Shadow Beside the Light
If I’m honest, 2017 was an incredible year, just as every year has been in its own way. My natural instinct is to let go of the bad, to file away the struggles quickly so they don’t linger. It’s a mindset that keeps me moving, keeps me grateful. But beneath all the glitter and celebration, one thing has quietly weighed on me.
Back in 2016, doctors told me I was free of the “C-word” and ready to embrace life fully again. That news should have meant endless possibilities: work, adventures, and maybe even another child. And yet, here I am, two years later, struggling with a body that refuses to cooperate in the one area my heart longs for.
It feels complicated, because how can I complain when I already have two healthy, beautiful children? Friends and acquaintances would remind me of that whenever I dared to speak my truth. And because I’m someone who rarely opens up about pain, who tucks feelings deep inside, I eventually stopped talking. I smiled. I deflected. I said, “If it happens, it happens,” while inside I was quietly breaking.
Every month has felt like another failure, another reminder that my body won’t do what it once did so easily. And though I live healthily, though doctors reassure me there’s “nothing wrong,” I can’t escape that crushing sense of loss. The hardest part? James and Stella asking for a baby brother or sister, their innocent requests piercing me in ways they’ll never understand. My hope is that 2018 brings clarity, whether through luck, new options, or simply the courage to keep trying.
Letting Joy Lead
But I don’t want to linger only on the struggle, because 2017 was also a year of extraordinary joy and unforgettable milestones.
We began the year in Toronto, our winter days filled with snow and skiing. Living there gave me balance—a calmer pace, more time at home—but it also came with the pressure to travel constantly, to make up for being away from New York where most of my work happens. So when it came time to return to the city, the move was both exhausting and exhilarating. New York welcomed us back with its familiar rhythm: fashion weeks, shoots, and endless opportunities.
Highlights? Too many to count. My first Dior Haute Couture show in Paris. A breathtaking Valentino show at The Beekman Hotel in New York. Witnessing Karl Lagerfeld’s genius—whether transforming the Grand Palais into “Ground Control” or sending Lily-Rose Depp down the aisle as his Chanel bride. Attending Clare Waight Keller’s final show for Chloé, and yes, discovering my “Chloé twin” in the process.
The Dior Cruise show in Los Angeles still ranks among the most magical experiences of my career, complete with sunsets, fashion, and yes, my very first In-N-Out burger. And then there was Venice, where I wore Dior to the film festival—a dream brought to life.
There were after-parties filled with dancing, like twirling with Pierpaolo after Valentino. Shoots with Vogue Bambini, Chanel, and Bonpoint that made my heart swell when I saw James and Stella stepping into that world with me. Collaborations that stretched my creativity and filled me with gratitude.
And, of course, the little personal moments that shaped the year: Costa Rica with dear friends, summers in the Hamptons, Paris as a family tradition, even getting my first tattoos. These are the memories that stay long after the lights of the runway dim.
Family Above All
But if there’s one thread tying all of 2017 together, it’s family. Stella starting school, James entering kindergarten—these milestones grounded me more than any show or collaboration ever could. They reminded me that, beneath the surface of this glittering career, life is really about them, about us, about the little traditions we build together.
2017 also introduced me to remarkable women and inspiring causes, including my work with the Good+ Foundation, which became a source of pride and purpose. Fashion is about beauty, but giving back brings a deeper kind of fulfillment, one I want to carry with me into the years ahead.
Looking Forward
So what’s next? I hope for health, for time, for laughter. I hope to continue building memories with the people I love most. I hope for more magic, more opportunities to create, and maybe—just maybe—the gift of another little one to add to our family.
Whatever 2018 has in store, I know this much: I’ll keep dancing at the after-parties, I’ll keep pouring myself into the work I love, and I’ll keep holding onto gratitude for every single moment. Because even with its heartaches, 2017 was beautiful. And I’m ready for what comes next.
Happy New Year, my friends. Thank you for walking through it all with me. Here’s to more love, more joy, and more hope in 2018.
